Tammy Talks Alot

Something Has Got to Change

I am at my wits end with my youngest daughter, Nikki. I miss my sweet baby girl. Now in her place I have this… this… raving crazy child who is mean and nasty to everyone, most of the time. If anyone dare say or do something she doesn’t like then she’s growling at you, or stomping her feet, or telling you “No!!” at the top of her lungs, or maybe she’ll start slamming and/or throwing things, hitting, and even calling you nasty named, cussing and yelling at you. She tells me she hates me at least 2 or 3 times a day. She also tells us several times a day, “don’t ever speak to me again!!, and I mean it!!”

She’s become uncontrollable and violent. She’s also lying about almost anything. She’s stealing from her sister too. As well as sneaking a lot things. You can’t trust anything she says because later on (which could be 5 minutes, 5 days or even 5 weeks later) you’ll find out the truth. I can’t leave her to herself for too long or I’ll find her doing something she knows she’s not supposed to.

Let me give you one mild example of her lying and sneaking. This happend just the other day..

We have this spare cell phone. It doesn’t work, there is no service on the phone. So we let Andrew play with it. Both Dani and Nikki have been begging for cell phones themselves and we told them they won’t get one until they graduate from 8th grade. Anyways… Nikki took the spare cell phone away from Drew and snuck it into her room. And then she took my cell phone charger too. She unplugged my phone and just snatched the charger. She snuck them both into her room and was trying to charger the spare phone. When I went into the kitchen to see if my phone was finished charging I immediately noticed the charger was missing. When I asked where it went.. nobody knew.. so I got angry and said, “It didn’t unplug itself from my phone and walk away on it’s own, Someone better fess up! Where is my charger?” Nikki then said she had it. And then Dani says, “I told you you’d get caught.” Turns out Nikki was planning on charging the spare phone and then sneaking it off to school with her in the morning.

I just don’t know what more I can do for her. I took her to the doctor a few years back and Nikki was diagnosed ADD(Attention Deficit Disorder) with depression. We put her on medication, got her counseling and she’s even receiving Special Ed help at school. Nikki has got to want to feel better. Nikki has got to want to keep control of her behavior. Otherwise all the help in the world won’t work.

I know what she’s feeling and thinking. I know what she’s going through. Because I myself am ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) Nikki is highly sugar sensitive too but as long as her sugar and preservatives intake is watched and kept under control that’s not too much of an issue with her. Anyways, like I was saying I totally understand how she’s feeling because I’ve been there. But she won’t take and use any of the tips and help I am trying to offer her. She’s fighting me and the system 100% of the way. Even with the upper hand of understanding I am reaching my breaking point. I am just so tired of every single day being filled with nothing but problems.

I get angry with Nikki also because I think she’s being selfish. She’s not a baby anymore. I have 3 other children that need me too. They need my attention and help too. They need some of my time for their own issues, concerns and problems too. And right now Nikki is dominating most of it. And what little time she doesn’t, Drew does, he’s only 2 afterall. But that leaves Dani and Ashley out in the cold. And these are hard times for both of those girls as well. Dani is 13 and Ashley is 16. Both of them are entering new areas in their lives. New doors of opertunities and experiences are opening all around them right now. And they’ve both expressed frustration and anger too because they need me and I can’t be there. I am consumed with Nikki and her issues. Also because of all of this I am forced to require and expect a lot more out of Dani and Ashley then I should have too. But I can’t split myself into twins or triplets so I need help with things while I’m dealing with Nikki.

I can’t help but to feel so horrible because part of me just wants to send her off somewhere where she can’t disrupt the entire household each and every day. It’s so draining and tiring for the rest of us. It starts each morning when she wakes up and it keeps going on and on through out the day till she goes to sleep. Some days are better then other days, but there is never anyway to tell which this day will be until she gets up. It’s gotten to the point where none of us have any peace and nothing flows as planned. We’ve had to leave stores and restaurants because of her outbursts. We’re constantly changing plans because on that day there is no way we can take her out in public; she’s too out of control. I am constantly having to tell my other 3 kids to “hold on and wait” while I deal with whatever Nikki is upset with during that moment. She has many ranting sessions each day. sometimes on a good day it’s limited to 2-5 outbursts. But other days it could be upwards of 20.

It’s like this bad game of dominos. Nikki gets started and then Rick and I try to stop it and her before it gets out of hand. But no matter what action we take… or don’t take… it usually ends up becoming at least a 30-45 minute disruption to all of us, for each out burst she has. And yes we have tried, and are still trying, to ignore many of the things Nikki says and does. But it never fails. Rick and I eventually get angry. And as much as we try not to allow it, it always spills out, at least a little bit, onto each other and the rest of the kids. It put everyone in a sour mood for the next 30 minutes to an hour. And right about the time we’ve all chilled out and let it go… Nikki starts again.

The cycle we get stuck in isn’t pleasant for anyone. The other kids are getting more resentful as each new day of disaster passes. They just don’t understand why they have to be put on hold, or why plans must be changed or things can’t continue as they were intended too… just because Nikki is throwing yet another fit.

And then there is the newest issue that Drew, my youngest, is starting to mock and mimic Nikki’s out-of-control behavior. He is testing the waters in his own way to see if all that “fit throwing” and “name calling” will help him get what he wants. And he’s started yelling at everyone. He’s hitting and biting more and more and now he’s even cussing and name calling on a daily basis too. Now how in the world am I suppossed to stop or fix this? Yes I discipline him for it but that will only work so well because his example is still running loose spewing negativity everywhere she goes.

I love my daughter with all of my heart. I want her to be happy and enjoy her childhood. But right now nobody is enjoying anything. Some thing has to change. I’ve called our doctor and I am taking her in again tomorrow afternoon. I am hoping there is something else we can do to help her because I know she’s miserable and me… well… I am just lost. I don’t know what else to try but as I’ve said… Some thing has got to change!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 9th, 2006 at 9:36 am and is filed under Family Ties, Just Me, Parenting Perspectives. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.