Tammy Talks Alot

Archive for the ‘Never A Dull Moment’ Category

Emotions Dug Up

Some people have a lot of nerve. I was recently contacted by a this woman, Ashley. She was asking me about some posts on my blog with mention her sister, Randi. She wanted me to remove the posts because… well… because they’re probably embarrassed by the past behavior. She was polite in her email but she did try to give a small shove by citing legalities. Except she forgot to make sure she knew what she was talking about first.

She said it was illegal for me to have her sisters name on my blog because she is a minor. Well she isn’t a minor anymore. But more importantly I only have her first name mentioned (which is completely legal) with 1 exception and the post in question, that lists her full name, is password-protected from general view. So that means I have done nothing illegal.

I understand her contacting me, but there is a part of me that was appalled! A crime was committed against us in several ways and I am shocked that anyone in that family thinks that they have a moral right to ask anything of us. It pulled up all sorts of anger that I didn’t realize I was still harboring. It’s been 3 years.

If my child had acted the way this Randi girl did… I’d have been embarrassed and disgusted and I would have contacted the other parent and apologized. I would have expected that parent to be angry and say some not nice things to me… and I would have kept my mouth shut and took it…because it would be my child who caused the problems.  I would have paid to have that child’s glasses repaired if it was my child who damaged/broke them. But these people did none of this. They caused us further pain and problems by lying even more. Hell, the PARENT called the police and made a bogus report in an attempt distract the police and states attorney from her own child’s guilt. It did not work and in the end… … Yes this girl did finally receive some punishment and spend some time in juvenile detention. But Dani and I still never had any specific closure. Neither of them made amends. Neither said they were sorry. And Karen (the mother) did not act like a parent, or at least not a good parent in my opinion. She should have sucked it up and accepted responsibility for her child’s behavior. And that means looking me in the eye and saying sorry and paying the damages on my daughter’s glasses. Instead she acted like a coward and despicable human being. She ran away, denied everything, and told more lies. I guess I can see where her child learned it from..

I think that the silence between our two families should be maintained. They did NOT do the right thing… and I am.. apparently… still sore about the whole thing. Silence is best for keeping the peace. And to her family… I understand what you were asking but I think it was outrageous that you would ask ANYTHING from me. If you are ashamed of the past… then GOOD. You should be. Let that me the lesson you take away from here.

Teenagers Suck

I know this already… it’s not a surprise to me. But yet… it kinda is. I know that sounds so stupid too. But I am very confused parent. I thought kids were suppose to respond to positive things?? And yet all I get from mine when positive things happen to them is TROUBLE!! Someone really has to put together a manual on child-rearing because I could use a hand. And I’m pretty sure I’ve fucked up somewhere along the line.

It seems like each time I turn around one of my kids is in trouble. Now I know I raised them better! And yet…. they keep getting in trouble. This year has, by far, been the worst year of them getting into trouble. They both been suspended out of school multiple times… in school multiple times as well….and has had a few detentions too if I am not mistaken. One of them has been in so much trouble… if she wasn’t special-needs and didn’t already have an state-education plan in place… the school would have removed her already.

And their grades??? Well one of them doesn’t see to care at all. She failed 3 courses first semester and her grades aren’t looking much better so far this semester. I just don’t know what to do. I have given her all the tools she needs… plus I give her my support. I am willing to help with homework… help her get tutoring…whatever she needs. The only thing I will not do… is to do the work for her. And yet she still chooses to be… in don’t know…indifferent to the problem…irresponsible….lazy? She just doesn’t care. She has a plan in her head somewhere and that plan doesn’t include doing well in school and staying out of trouble.

My kids aren’t horrible kids… they have good hearts. But I can’t seem to get them to go with the program. I know as parents we teach them what we can and then pray it sticks and that our children will make the right choices in life. But what happens when they don’t?? What are we… the parents… supposed to do then? My teenagers at home are only 15 and 17. I want them to succeed. I feel helpless right now.

I am Thankful!

I know this post is a bit late… but I’m really not making it as a Thanksgiving post. I’m not making it as a once a year mention of what is good in my life. I am making it now because I want to announce to the world that EACH day I notice what is good in my life. EACH day I wake up feeling thankful and blessed. EACH day when I open my eyes I take… inventory… of all the wonder things in my life… the things I cannot imagine living without. Without that.. I’m not sure I would be able to get up each day and keep moving forward. I need to remind myself just how lucky I am. It gives me focus and purpose. It fills my heart with love, hope, happiness and contentment.

I am THANKFUL!! I am BLESSED!!

• I am thankful for my mother! I am thankful that she picked me. I am thankful that she loved me. I am thankful for all the love she has showered upon me my entire life. I am thankful for each helping hand..for each kiss… for each hug. I am thankful for all of her encouragement and for her honesty. I am thankful that she never allowed me to give up or give in. I am thankful for every lesson she has taught me…even the ones that were hard..the ones that hurt… the ones that were boring…and especially for the ones that forced me to look at myself, my choices and my behavior in brutal honesty and admit, to myself, that I needed to make a new choice…what kind of  daughter…mother…wife…friend…and human being did I want to be? I am thankful for each new day that she is still with me. I am blessed to have her!!
• I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for the love and passion he and I have shared for almost 19 years. I am thankful that were have withstood time and challenges and that we’ve come out on top of them together. I am thankful that when times were hard.. or sad… we had each other to hold on to. I am thankful that together we have created a good life and healthy children. I am thankful for all of our memories. I am thankful for the new ones will be making in all of our tomorrows to come. I am thankful that we have each other…to laugh with…to fight with…to love with! I am thankful that we will be together… till death do us part! I can’t imagine a moment of my life existing without him in it. I am blessed to have him!
• I am thankful for my children. I am thankful that they are healthy. I am thankful that they are alive. I am thankful that I am able to watch them grow. I am thankful for each smile, each kiss, each hug, each laugh, and even each fight. Why the fights?? Because we have each other to fight with!! I could be alone but instead I am blessed and I have my family. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to care for, love and raise 4 children.
• I am thankful for Danielle! I was told I would most likely NOT have children. Dani was my miracle. I wanted to be a mother so badly and I was devastated to think I wouldn’t be fulfilling that dream as easily as I thought. And then, when I least expected it, she was there. Danielle’s birth and the first year that followed taught me so much about being a mother. About being thankful. About enjoying the small things. About living in each moment rather then letting those moments pass you by. And I am so very thankful that she is my baby girl and that I have her to raise, mold and teach. I am thankful that I am watching her grow. I am blessed to have her!
• I am thankful for Nichole. Nikki’s birth filled me with so much excitement. I was a mom of two!! And of course I thought I had everything figured out. Ha ha ha! Nikki soon taught me I didn’t know as much as I thought. I am thankful for the lessons I learned in the first 3 years of Nikki’s life. She taught me patience. She taught me that things often do not go as planned… and more importantly she taught me that it was ok when they didn’t. She taught me that dirt and wrinkles, crumbs and stains weren’t going to kill me or the kids. She showed me that those things didn’t make me a bad mother. She taught me to not sweat the small stuff. She taught me to have fun as much as possible. She taught me to sing with you can…dance when you can… to play in the rain and to remember that the simplest things in life are often the most important! I am so very thankful that Nikki is my daughter and I have the honor of raising her and watching her grow. I am blessed to have her!!
• I am thankful for Ashley. I am thankful that I was there to rescue her. And I am thankful that she was there to rescue me. She taught me to let go of my anger and my..almost.. hatred for those that had hurt me… and hurt her. She taught me that bad things happen to good people. But she also taught me that blessings and presents come in unexpected packages! She taught me how to be tolerant of hateful/hurtful people. To keep my chin up and be strong when bad things happen to you. She taught me that sometimes they only thing that mattered was to hold your child and rock them while they cry, letting out the bad and soaking up the good and security in my arms. Ashley taught me that teenagers are hard but not impossible and that no matter how many times children tell you they hate you… they don’t mean it.. not really… not deep in their heart. She taught me that there is always room for more. She taught me that I had much more love to give. She taught me how to ignore sarcasm and attitude. ( mostly, lol) She taught me to think before you speak. She taught me that the less said is usually best with kids, lol. She taught me that hearts can be healed. She taught me you can start over and that life can be beautiful if you want it and allow it. I am thankful that she made me a grandparent. I am thankful that she gave me…and wanted me to have that honor. She taught me that being a grandparent is one of the best feelings on the planet. It’s like she was always my baby. I love her as strongly and as deeply as my other 3 children. If I could change anything… I’d only change things so that she came to us permanently sooner in her life. I am blessed to have her.
• I am thankful for Andrew. He was a surprise. A very welcomed surprise. As soon as I knew he was a boy I was overjoyed! I’d had all girls and was so excited to have a son. Being pregnant with Andrew taught me that I wasn’t ready to have all of my children grown. And before he was even born he taught me that I wanted my family all together under one roof. That small differences or arguments shouldn’t be allowed to hang on and foster resentment. He taught me to forgive and to forget that small stuff. He taught me to swallow my pride. Andrew taught me true contentment. He taught me to slow down, and look at life with more detail.  He taught me to remember things I’d learned and forgotten.. such as  Laughing as often as possible.. Loving as much as possible.. and to LIVE. Andrew taught me to not let my disability hold me down. He taught me that my family was what mattered most. I am thankful that I have a son. I am thankful that I had him much later in life. I am thankful that I am more patient and relaxed… because that makes it possible for me to enjoy him even more. I am thankful that I will be able to watch him grow into a man. I am very blessed to have him!!
• I am thankful to be a grandparent! I am thankful for my first grandchild and I am thankful for all of my future grandchild. I look forward to their arrival! Victoria has taught me all the hardships of growing up, parenting, and becoming a seasoned adult was worth it in a million different ways. One of which being able to enjoy her! I am blessed to have her!
• I am thankful for my job. I could be out of work like so many others, but I am not. I am thankful that I like my coworkers and get along so well with my boss.
• I am thankful for my sisters. Lynn, Krissy, Danielle and Misty. Yes it is true that from one reason or another.. some would say they aren’t really my sisters. But for all except the whole blood part… they are. I am thankful for all of our memories together. I am thankful for their love and support. I am thankful for all of our laughter and all of our tears. I am thankful to have them as they each bring something wonderful and blessed to my life. I am blessed to have them!

I am THANKFUL!! I am BLESSED!!

Other Consquences

She’s suspended from school for 5 days.

She will receive zeros for all her course work for the next 5 days.

There’s a very real chance she’s going to fail this quarter, which means she’ll be removed from drivers ed.

She’s completely lost my trust and faith. I have hit rock bottom with her. I give up.

She’s grounded indefinitely, No internet, no cellphone, no going anywhere.

And she doesn’t seem to care.

So Emotional

I’m crying, on and off for the last hour and a half. It’s totally amazing how a day can start out so good and turn into such crap. I’m depressed, defeated, humiliated and deeply hurt. I took my meds but they aren’t helping which means I’m really low down on the depressed and miserable ladder.

I found out this afternoon that my 16 year old is a liar and thief. Which wouldn’t necessary turn me into an emotional mess except that I believed she was telling me the truth about this situation and I went to bat for her. I stood up to 3 school officials… professing my kid’s innocence. I wasn’t nice and even threatened to go the newspapers and the school board if they continued to pursue this. I was so sure she was telling me the truth. I got behind her 100% I wasn’t about to let my daughter be wrongly accused and punished.

And now she has come clean after several days of denying any wrong doing. And I feel so…. stupid! My heart hurts… how could she lie about this? how could she steal someone else’s stuff… we’re not talking about a sibling you swipe from and we’re not talking about an expensive item either. But it’s the principal of it all. She took something that didn’t belong to her… then told a very convincing story, in which she was innocent and wrongly accused. She allowed me to defend her so strongly and powerfully. All the while knowing it was a lie.

I feel betrayed! I asked her to be honest with me. That is she wanted to change her story to tell me. I said to her that if she insisted she was telling the truth that I would back her up and defend her. The only thing I asked was that she not lie to me.

Apparently my integrity, honesty and reputation meant nothing to her.

Stay off the Sidewalks

I just got back from taking Dani to the DMV to get her permit. It was boring and uneventfull untill I let her drive my car.

OMG!!!! I thought I was gonna die! In the 5 blocks she drove she could have killed us 4 times, lol. She needs lots of practice.

Keep me in your prayers, lol!!

Ch..Ch..Changes

We’re breaking up the girls. Since they’ve been about 2 they’ve shared a room. Fortunately for them this is over. We’re moving Dani into the fourth bedroom so the girls can have their own space. I’m hoping this will solve a few of the competition and privacy issues. They’ll each have their own space and can “pee” on their own territory, lol. For 2 teenage girls this is a big deal.

We started about 3 days ago moving and packing up that room. I figure in about another week Dani will be in her new space and then both girls can start to make their rooms their own.

M-Y-O-B

My momma always told me that I needed to mind my own business (MYOB). And usually she was right. Putting my nbose into someone else’s business usually served to only get me into trouble. It’s a simple concept and yet none of my children, from the oldest to the youngest, can seem to get it through their head.

I get very tired of running around the house telling this one and that one to shush and MYOB. It gets really old. They all have an opinion about what the others are doing and they are choose to voice those opinions at the wrong times causing more chaos and drama.

I need a kid-free vacation.

Random Bike Accident?

So I get a call last night and it’s Nikki swearing and yelling. I couldn’t understand her and had to tell her twice to calm down. Turns out she was telling me she was hit by a car while riding her bike. Now before you get excited… she’s ok and not hurt. Her leg is a bit sore from where it whacked against the bike, but otherwise she is unharmed. Apparently after the accident she started yelling and swearing at the man who hit her. Then the two of them decided to go to the bike shop to see if he could get her damaged bike repaired.

My first impression of this guy wasn’t very good. He didn’t want Nikki to call us and he didn’t want us to call the police. But in the end he was an honorable man and he bought Nikki a new bike… since it turned out to be the cheaper option.

So after 2 hours last night… Nikki now has a new bike.

Life around here is often chaotic and never boring or dull.