Tammy Talks Alot

Archive for the ‘Grandma Rulez’ Category

And This is AFTER I Calmed Down

I am going to start this in bullets. So I can’t get it all down. Warning…vulgarity and attitude below.

1. In May of this year, Caleb a.k.a the loser asshole hit Ashley. For the 4th time by my count, although Ashley denies this number. Foolishly, in my opinion, she took him back and forgave him in less than 24 hours. Needless to say I was appalled and outraged. I still do not understand why she would stay with someone who… gets physical whenever the mood strikes him, belittles her, mistreats her child, cusses at her WAY to often, controls and manipulates her into doing what he wants, and puts her down daily. In short; he abuses her… verbally, emotionally and physically!! Of course she claims this isn’t the case. But she knows I am not stupid and I see these people for what they truly are. We both know what is really going on. For some reason though she doesn’t seem capable of walking away. I only hope this doesn’t cost her or Victoria’s life in the long run.
2. Since long before the incident in May I had tried to be nice and friendly to this family. For over 4 years I have tried over and over. But they have not bothered to try and instead have been in constant competition with me since day one. Hence my claim that they are all controlling, manipulative, and abusive. I sum it up as they are loser scum! They lie, cheat, steal and abuse anyone and anything that they can.
3. In January of 2010 I starting talking to Ashley about Victoria’s birthday (which wasn’t till September) I wanted to get a jump on the planning and figure out the details. Right on cue they started trying to fuck everything up. They bitched about everything. Of course none of them planned on doing anything for her or spending any money to set up a party. But since it was on my time, effort and money they tried to control the whole thing. Now I am not sure what kind of crack they smoke but here in the real world you CANNOT tell someone else how to spend their money. I am amazed that they are cocky enough to even think they have that right. If they want things to go a certain way… get off your lazy cheap bullshitting ass… AND SPEND YOUR OWN FUCKING MONEY to make it happen. But that would mean they’d actually have to give a shit.. and they’d actually have to follow through with the things they say… and they’d have to spare some money from the crack they smoke to pay for it all. And they won’t do any of the above. They just love to cause trouble.
4. Well after the May incident I told Ashley that those people were NOT welcome in my home. And of course that means if I have a party they are NOT welcome to come and if they do they will be removed… period! I chose not to fight with her over this fact and felt should the need arise where I had to force my point, I would handle it then.
5. In June Ashley called to say that asshole’s family didn’t want to come here for a party. I was completely ok with this because they were not welcome here. Ashley didn’t know what to do. So I suggested separate parties or even having it at the park. Which is neutral ground for everyone.
6. Fast forward to a week ago. Ashley messaged me to say they we not going to have a party at all. While I understood her reasons I was irritated. And I was disgusted by asshole and his family. So I said, let’s at least have you and the baby come over for dinner. Then I called a couple other close family members and we set things up. It was nothing fancy, just a small get together, but it would be enjoyed by all of us.

Then yesterday evening Ashley messaged me again. Seems now that I have made it clear that I wouldn’t be ignoring my granddaughter’s birthday (because I am not a selfish lowlife loser like asshole and his family.)… and therefore I am making them all look like the “selfish lowlife losers” that they really are… they now wanted to have a party too! And surprise surprise they wanted to have it on the same day as the day I had now set it up for. SERIOUSLY!?!! Excuse my french but… What Fucking Assholes! Anything to cause trouble. Anything to manipulate Ashley. Since they weren’t in control and it didn’t rotate around them… they had to start shit.

The bottom line ended up to be this. The asshole was demanding to either have a party on the day I had choose or I was to let him come to the dinner I was planning. Well fuck that. The wife-beater can go fuck himself. He isn’t welcome in my home. And other family members feel the same way. Why would we want such a toxic person around?! What good has he brought to our lives? To Ashley’s life? To Victoria’s life? The truth is Victoria would be better off if he was dead or didn’t exist. Harsh… yes… the truth… yes!

He whined about how he was the “dad” and therefore should be included. Funny…. he didn’t seem to care that he was her “dad” when he had to set up a party on his own with his own money…he was CHOOSING to blow off his kid’s birthday and do nothing to celebrate it. He had NO plans to buy her anything. not even a small cake. Yeah… real nice father. He’s not a father. He is a sperm donor and that is all!!! Any fuck-tard can have a kid… that doesn’t make them a father. It takes a REAL man to be a father.  And the asshole isn’t a real man… and I don’t think he ever will be.

He has done next to NOTHING to help care for or pay for his child since she was born. Did he help feed her? Clothe her? get her diapers? NO no and no. Maybe… a big maybe… he may have bought 3 or 4 packages of diapers since she was born and maybe a few packages of wipes. And he bitched about it to her each time. I heard him say that he shouldn’t have to spend his money on her diapers…. that Ashley could and should go get them. Once i even heard him tell Ashley that she owed him the money back for them too.  And he might have given Ashley a whooping total… of MAYBE… 200-400 bucks… since Tori was conceived. Wooo wooo!  We should all kiss his ass for a couple hundred bucks?! I don’t think so. Was he willing to watch her? Nope, he fought Ashley EVERY time she needed him to watch his own child. he called it babysitting. Umm, it’s not babysitting if it is your own child!! He was always busy hanging out with friends or some other stupid shit. He always had some excuse for why he couldn’t or didn’t want to. She had to fight with him or beg and even that only bought her a couple dozen times of him helping watch the baby. And Tori is 2 years old. That’s 24 months that she has been alive. 730 days that she’s needed someone to care for her. How many of those days was he really there and helping with his kid… what 50?? 75?? maybe as many as 150. (But I doubt it.) Yeah that’s pathetic!

And his parents haven’t bothered to give a shit either. They rarely watched her too… not even for fun. They didn’t really ask about her or for her. Unless it was to try and screw me out of time with her or they knew it would piss Ashley off. They couldn’t be bothered to even buy her a birthday gift for her 1st Birthday! I mean come on.. you don’t have 5 bucks to buy her a book, a small toy, a shirt… something?? And last year at Christmas they went out at 9pm on Christmas eve and bought her a $20 gift… ONLY because Ashley got into a fight with the asshole about it. They had NO intention of getting her anything. But they each got hundreds of dollars worth of gifts for each other. All Victoria is to them is something to brag about. They don’t actually give a shit about her. They only do minor tiny things for her and ONLY when it is going to make them look good or inconvenience Ashley or me. Otherwise she doesn’t exist to them and they put forth zero effort.

I am hoping that Ashley doesn’t continue to allow this bullshit. Even if she stays with the asshole (and hopefully she won’t) she can still grown a pair and not allow them to treat her or Tori like this. Because if she doesn’t she will wake up one day and realize that she allowed these people to treat her child (and herself) like garbage. And she will finally see them for what they are and see all of the damage they have caused in and to Victoria. And then… She will hate herself for it because she allowed it to happen.

Ugh! I can’t stand those people. They are toxic poison! I wish Ashley could see that.

OMG!!!!!!

Ashley just messaged me with bad news. The small family dinner I had planned for Tori’s birthday is a no go. The asshole is apparently throwing a baby fit because he didn’t have control and he wasn’t allowed to make the decisions… oh and of course because he wasn’t included.

I told Ashley that i might consider including him in things if… in 2-3 years he hasn’t hit her and he’s acting like a normal man who treats her with respect and helps with their child… then I will re-evaluate. But until then he is not welcome in our home.

I told her I am not angry at her. But that isn’t entirely true. She has a choice too and she could choose not to let them control, intimidate, or manipulate her. She could put her foot down. I don’t understand why she doesn’t. Ugh!

Crash Boom Bam

We had two incidents while camping this weekend.

The first was Victoria fell down the camper stairs!  Ahhh! I was so scared. The little shit took off for the door and beat me there. She pushed on the screen and over she went. Of course she immediately started crying as if someone cut off a limb. I expected to see blood everywhere when she was picked up, but we were lucky.  I am very grateful that she only received a scrape on her arm. It did bruise in the same spot. But that’s small compared to what could have happened. Lesson learned… keep both doors closed when Tori is in the camper and not just the screen. She can’t push open the big door.

Secondly.. We have to try and get Tori to realize that she can’t walk in front of, or in back of, a swing when someone is on it swinging. She walked behind Drew while he was on the swing and BAM… face plant! of course she wailed like a limb was cut off again, lol. And when I picked her up she was covered with dirt and mulch. It was in her mouth, her nose… everywhere. After that she was velcro-baby to me for about 2 hours, lol. I can’t say I blame her, lol.

Those Eyes

Do you see those GORGEOUS blue eyes? That sweet happy smile? She’s so full of life and happiness. But I worry about her very much. Her mother takes good care of her and I am not implying she doesn’t. I am not worried that Ashley would do anything directly stupid or harmful to Tori. But indirectly she’s risking her daughter safety on a whim that she right.

The whim is Tori’s father. He’s violent and I am worried that one day he is going to unleash that violence on her instead of her mother. Ashley is a big girl ,and while I don’t agree with her choices,  it is her life And if she wants to risk her own safety I can’t stop her from making that choice. But she is taking a huge risk with her daughter’s life. She says if he ever did anything to Tori, she would leave him for good. And of course she professes he would never harm her. But what if she’s wrong? And leaving him after the fact might be too late for Tori.

I pray that Ashley is right and he would never harm Tori. But that does nothing to stop the uneasiness in my stomach.

There Was a Little Girl who had a Little Curl

I have had so much fun spending the last 36 hours with my grandbaby. In just a few months she is going to turn 2 years old. Where did the time go? The past two years have flown by. She’s turning out to have such a great little personality. She’s so smart. She loved books and can be seen sitting and flipping through a book many times a day. She’s happy and smiling all of the time. ::: sigh ::: they grow up way too quickly.

This morning we spent an hour playing in the park together. She is so much fun to hang out with!

We Will, We Will Rock You!

My granddaughter, Victoria is spending the night here and I have had a lot of fun with her this evening. She’s been so much fun to play with I am happy she is here.

While playing tonight she kept bringing out this one truck drew has. This truck plays Queen’s song “We Will Rock You” and each time the song comes on she trys to mock it/sing it. But no sound come out of her mouth.. and she does an “I don’t know” sort of thing with her hands, lol. It is so funny… and it kept me amused for… umm…. 30+ minutes, lol. Here watch it with me… so funny!!!

Playing with new toys

So I’ve been playing with my new video camera… and I’ve uploaded a new video of the Victoria…

Victoria loving her bath. from TammyK on Vimeo.

I am Thankful!

I know this post is a bit late… but I’m really not making it as a Thanksgiving post. I’m not making it as a once a year mention of what is good in my life. I am making it now because I want to announce to the world that EACH day I notice what is good in my life. EACH day I wake up feeling thankful and blessed. EACH day when I open my eyes I take… inventory… of all the wonder things in my life… the things I cannot imagine living without. Without that.. I’m not sure I would be able to get up each day and keep moving forward. I need to remind myself just how lucky I am. It gives me focus and purpose. It fills my heart with love, hope, happiness and contentment.

I am THANKFUL!! I am BLESSED!!

• I am thankful for my mother! I am thankful that she picked me. I am thankful that she loved me. I am thankful for all the love she has showered upon me my entire life. I am thankful for each helping hand..for each kiss… for each hug. I am thankful for all of her encouragement and for her honesty. I am thankful that she never allowed me to give up or give in. I am thankful for every lesson she has taught me…even the ones that were hard..the ones that hurt… the ones that were boring…and especially for the ones that forced me to look at myself, my choices and my behavior in brutal honesty and admit, to myself, that I needed to make a new choice…what kind of  daughter…mother…wife…friend…and human being did I want to be? I am thankful for each new day that she is still with me. I am blessed to have her!!
• I am thankful for my husband. I am thankful for the love and passion he and I have shared for almost 19 years. I am thankful that were have withstood time and challenges and that we’ve come out on top of them together. I am thankful that when times were hard.. or sad… we had each other to hold on to. I am thankful that together we have created a good life and healthy children. I am thankful for all of our memories. I am thankful for the new ones will be making in all of our tomorrows to come. I am thankful that we have each other…to laugh with…to fight with…to love with! I am thankful that we will be together… till death do us part! I can’t imagine a moment of my life existing without him in it. I am blessed to have him!
• I am thankful for my children. I am thankful that they are healthy. I am thankful that they are alive. I am thankful that I am able to watch them grow. I am thankful for each smile, each kiss, each hug, each laugh, and even each fight. Why the fights?? Because we have each other to fight with!! I could be alone but instead I am blessed and I have my family. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to care for, love and raise 4 children.
• I am thankful for Danielle! I was told I would most likely NOT have children. Dani was my miracle. I wanted to be a mother so badly and I was devastated to think I wouldn’t be fulfilling that dream as easily as I thought. And then, when I least expected it, she was there. Danielle’s birth and the first year that followed taught me so much about being a mother. About being thankful. About enjoying the small things. About living in each moment rather then letting those moments pass you by. And I am so very thankful that she is my baby girl and that I have her to raise, mold and teach. I am thankful that I am watching her grow. I am blessed to have her!
• I am thankful for Nichole. Nikki’s birth filled me with so much excitement. I was a mom of two!! And of course I thought I had everything figured out. Ha ha ha! Nikki soon taught me I didn’t know as much as I thought. I am thankful for the lessons I learned in the first 3 years of Nikki’s life. She taught me patience. She taught me that things often do not go as planned… and more importantly she taught me that it was ok when they didn’t. She taught me that dirt and wrinkles, crumbs and stains weren’t going to kill me or the kids. She showed me that those things didn’t make me a bad mother. She taught me to not sweat the small stuff. She taught me to have fun as much as possible. She taught me to sing with you can…dance when you can… to play in the rain and to remember that the simplest things in life are often the most important! I am so very thankful that Nikki is my daughter and I have the honor of raising her and watching her grow. I am blessed to have her!!
• I am thankful for Ashley. I am thankful that I was there to rescue her. And I am thankful that she was there to rescue me. She taught me to let go of my anger and my..almost.. hatred for those that had hurt me… and hurt her. She taught me that bad things happen to good people. But she also taught me that blessings and presents come in unexpected packages! She taught me how to be tolerant of hateful/hurtful people. To keep my chin up and be strong when bad things happen to you. She taught me that sometimes they only thing that mattered was to hold your child and rock them while they cry, letting out the bad and soaking up the good and security in my arms. Ashley taught me that teenagers are hard but not impossible and that no matter how many times children tell you they hate you… they don’t mean it.. not really… not deep in their heart. She taught me that there is always room for more. She taught me that I had much more love to give. She taught me how to ignore sarcasm and attitude. ( mostly, lol) She taught me to think before you speak. She taught me that the less said is usually best with kids, lol. She taught me that hearts can be healed. She taught me you can start over and that life can be beautiful if you want it and allow it. I am thankful that she made me a grandparent. I am thankful that she gave me…and wanted me to have that honor. She taught me that being a grandparent is one of the best feelings on the planet. It’s like she was always my baby. I love her as strongly and as deeply as my other 3 children. If I could change anything… I’d only change things so that she came to us permanently sooner in her life. I am blessed to have her.
• I am thankful for Andrew. He was a surprise. A very welcomed surprise. As soon as I knew he was a boy I was overjoyed! I’d had all girls and was so excited to have a son. Being pregnant with Andrew taught me that I wasn’t ready to have all of my children grown. And before he was even born he taught me that I wanted my family all together under one roof. That small differences or arguments shouldn’t be allowed to hang on and foster resentment. He taught me to forgive and to forget that small stuff. He taught me to swallow my pride. Andrew taught me true contentment. He taught me to slow down, and look at life with more detail.  He taught me to remember things I’d learned and forgotten.. such as  Laughing as often as possible.. Loving as much as possible.. and to LIVE. Andrew taught me to not let my disability hold me down. He taught me that my family was what mattered most. I am thankful that I have a son. I am thankful that I had him much later in life. I am thankful that I am more patient and relaxed… because that makes it possible for me to enjoy him even more. I am thankful that I will be able to watch him grow into a man. I am very blessed to have him!!
• I am thankful to be a grandparent! I am thankful for my first grandchild and I am thankful for all of my future grandchild. I look forward to their arrival! Victoria has taught me all the hardships of growing up, parenting, and becoming a seasoned adult was worth it in a million different ways. One of which being able to enjoy her! I am blessed to have her!
• I am thankful for my job. I could be out of work like so many others, but I am not. I am thankful that I like my coworkers and get along so well with my boss.
• I am thankful for my sisters. Lynn, Krissy, Danielle and Misty. Yes it is true that from one reason or another.. some would say they aren’t really my sisters. But for all except the whole blood part… they are. I am thankful for all of our memories together. I am thankful for their love and support. I am thankful for all of our laughter and all of our tears. I am thankful to have them as they each bring something wonderful and blessed to my life. I am blessed to have them!

I am THANKFUL!! I am BLESSED!!

Turning One

Today Victoria turned one. We had a party and all of our loved ones came to help us celebrate. We had a great time, especially when cake time came around. Tori loved her little smash cake and jumped into it right away. Within minutes the cake was obliterated and she was covered… literally … from head to toe in icing and cake. We had to hose her off so the party could proceed. She wasn’t all that interested in the present opening though. She pulled on the paper once or twice but that was about it. I took tons of pictures and posted them on my flickr… here’s a taste…

Enjoy.

On Saturday, September 5th, 2009 …

… Victoria turns 1.