Tammy Talks Alot

Archive for the ‘Family Ties’ Category

Why I am Annoyed

1. Stupidity – or pretend stupidity. I am not sure which is worse.
2. Ignorance of life, Ignorance of the cost their actions have on others.
3. Laziness and no consideration for others or their property.

That about sums up the latest. My daughters exemplify these 3 traits daily. I pray this is just a teenager thing. I thought it was impossible for them to shock me or surprise me at this point but I was wrong. The increased lack of care for where they live and who they cause havoc has hit a new level of shock, surprise and disappointment.

And you know what is sad? It’s all small crap. Like…

• What is it about my daughter’s desire and obsessiveness, that she needs to waste and empty every cleaner, deodorizer, air freshener, etc. that I purchase and bring into our home? Every time I go for a cleaner it’s empty… or close to empty. I can buy a bottle of carpet cleaner, pinesol, Lysol, bleach cleaner, it doesn’t matter.. and within a week, maybe two if I am lucky, it will be gone. And NOTHING will be cleaned with it. I bought 2 cans of air freshener and a bottle of natures miracle (for pet smells) and they are all empty. I bought them less than 3 weeks ago. I have no idea what she uses them for. It’s irritating because when I need them they aren’t there and also there is the money factor. My money tree in the backyard died. So when she wastes things, and doesn’t seem to even think about who bought it and how will it get replaced, I get angry.
• My other daughter acts like she is severely mentally challenged. Mostly when she doesn’t want to be held accountable or responsible for things. Then she suddenly doesn’t remember, didn’t know, didn’t think it was a big deal…etc. One time she actually told me she, doesn’t like/want to think on her own. She wants me to give her instructions on anything I want from her. So, if there is a monster pile of shit in the middle of the floor, she would leave it there unless I specifically told her to clean it. Also I’d have to tell her what to use to clean it, or she’s grab something in appropriate to clean it. (like a good bath towel rather then paper towel) And then where to put it. And yes, I’d even have to tell her to take it outside to the garbage can or she would put it in the house and let it continue to kill us with the stench.
• Blowing off their responsibilities with attitude and defiance and then 5 minutes later holding out a hand going, “mom I want…”, “Mom can I go…”, “Mom can I do…” Plus they actually expect to get what they are wanting and tend to act surprised and shocked like innocent victims when we tell them no.

Please… Please let this just be a stage. Otherwise I might be forced to sell them at auction.

It’s Not Her Fault…

… But … I am losing  my mind and my patience.

We have 2 cats. One of them is almost 18 years old. She’s not doing well. She’s underweight for sure. I am pretty sure we’re on the road to the end with her. She’s been with us so long that my husband and I are obviously upset. Even so, Rick and I disagree right now where she is concerned. I feel we should end her suffering and put her down. Rick feels that she isn’t suffering and I should leave it be. He’s argument is that she still eats and drinks and comes for attention. My argument is she looks, to me, like something out of “Pet Cemetery” (a movie by Stephen King) If she weighs 2-3 lbs I’d be surprised. She’s all skin and bones, literally. She’s lost her fur in random places. She doesn’t clean herself very well anymore. She looks uncomfortable and to me it would seem logical that she’d be in pain since she has no fat reserves to cushion her. Rick doesn’t believe she is in pain, he says she’s walking and moving just fine.

She is his baby, way more than she was ever mine. You know how animals pick that one person and that’s their “main squeeze.” (snicker) Well she chose him and our other cat chose me. So I understand why he’s not ready to let her go. And I feel horribly guilty even suggesting it to him. At the same time I find myself to be a bit resentful too. Because she keeps messing around the house. We can’t leave anything lying on the floor and that includes rugs and shoes. I don’t know why but she’s pretty much stopped using the liter box. And that’s huge. This is a cat who would use that liter box no matter what. It could be one solid mount of pee-hardened liter and she’s climb on top of the mountain and go. So her refusal to use it now is shocking and confusing.

We discovered she made a BIG mess behind our couch. Again! So I moved the couch today and began the cleaning process. I pulled out all of the stops this time; except to call in the Hazmat team.I think I won this war. The carpet is clean and smell free. The only bad part is that right now I can only smell one thing, bleach!

I know on many levels this isn’t her fault. She’s old and sick and if she was herself she would never be messing around the house. I try to remind myself of that. I do not want to hurt my husband unnecessarily and I also do not want her to suffer. It’s a bad spot to be sitting in. Right now I am taking peace in the knowledge that my home isn’t smelling. And what to do about her is going to have to wait for another day.

Crisis Averted… Maybe?

Well the verdict is that Rick’s boss is just… well.. not in the best mood lately. (to put it nicely) He has apparently become alienated from his entire staff and none of them feel good about coming to work anymore. He makes them all walk on eggs shells constantly wondering if they are going to get the axe. And we are all going… Wahhh! While also shaking our heads in confusion, because this isn’t the man we know. Even I had been around Rick’s boss enough to get to know him. And this isn’t in his normal character. At least not from what I have seen through the years. I am wondering if we should do an intervention or maybe just check his house for seedpods. (It’s a reference to the movie, Body Snatchers. My mom and I use this to help explain why teens suddenly go crazy at age 13.)

At this point no one can feel secure of their job. That’s a common theme all over the country. And it’s hit home at Rick’s place of employment now too. For my husband’s sanity and health I really hope the stress level around there drops a bit.

Potentially Very Bad

Last April we had some tense moments with my husband’s job. While we were on vacation out of state, some crap went on at his work, and when we returned and he went to work no one seemed to be on the same page as to what was going on. Somehow in all the confusion my husband was accused of being involved with the crap that happened while we were gone.  Obviously that was impossible since… we were gone, lol. But nevertheless it was a scary time because good people were losing their jobs every day. The economy sucks right now. And my husband is the bread winner around here. He’s the man that brings in the moolah. The idea of losing the income that keeps the roof over our heads and the food in our bellies is a very scary thing.

Of course Rick was worried sick and was feeling that pressing guilt at the possibility of not providing for his family. The fear of not knowing what would happen next. How would we survive? As for me?  Well I am not sure how… but I kept it together. I was scared and worried but not devastated at the possibility. I took on the view that we would be ok. One way or another we would make it through this time and we would survive. I was very careful to stay positive and optimistic. I didn’t want to add to the fear and pressure that Rick was already feeling by freaking out. One of us had to maintain a level head. In the end he was cleared (as we knew he would be) and life went on as usual. The pressure and fear was lifted.

Fast forwarding to today…

Rick just called to tell me that apparently we might be back in that scary boat once again. I do not know the details or the politics but someone is sending off the vibe that they want my husband gone. Rick is an intelligent man and he is very good at reading people and situations. So if he feels this vibe enough that he felt the need to call me and give me a heads up… It’s potentially VERY bad.

Of course I am totally confused because my husband is an EXCELLENT employee. He goes above and beyond every day at his job. He’s a salary employee who works well over his 40 hrs a week. You could almost call him a workaholic. He’s on time, honest and hardworking. I can’t think of any reasons why he should have a target on his head. But regardless of what I think or believe .. there is a target and it’s looming over our family.

I am fighting emotion right now. I feel that lump in my throat, the tears in my eyes and the urge to just sit down and cry. I am worried and a bit scared. But I am not worried about what will happen to us. We have a backup plan, so we won’t be sleeping in the street. I am worried about Rick. I know if this happens it will hit him hard. Much harder than the rest of us. I refuse to let my emotion take a hold of me. I am determined to stay positive for him. He needs me to be strong right now. Again… one of us has to keep a level head and a positive outlook. Especially since nothing has happened yet.

I know that this is going to seem silly, petty and immature… but. Why? We are good people. We help others when we can. We’re honest and we stay out of trouble. And yet we don’t seem to be able to catch a break. It feels like each time we turn around something else is going wrong. We always seem to be running for the door, barely making it, before its closed and locked. I know I shouldn’t complain because we are not suffering. We have what we need and lots of what we don’t need. But sometimes I just want to scream… Can’t something good ever come easily for us?! And I’m not talking about the lottery.. although that would be awesome!  I just would love to have something be more secure and guaranteed. And yet, even as I beg and whine to the ceiling for it… I know that there are no guarantees in life.

We will be ok. I know that. I just wish we could be ok with a little less.. HARD.. in our lives.

In Two Days…

I am going to be heading back to the camper for  a couple days of rest. I love being there. It’s so peaceful and I love the smell of the campfire. We’re bring Tori again… so this should be tons of fun. I can’t wait!

And This is AFTER I Calmed Down

I am going to start this in bullets. So I can’t get it all down. Warning…vulgarity and attitude below.

1. In May of this year, Caleb a.k.a the loser asshole hit Ashley. For the 4th time by my count, although Ashley denies this number. Foolishly, in my opinion, she took him back and forgave him in less than 24 hours. Needless to say I was appalled and outraged. I still do not understand why she would stay with someone who… gets physical whenever the mood strikes him, belittles her, mistreats her child, cusses at her WAY to often, controls and manipulates her into doing what he wants, and puts her down daily. In short; he abuses her… verbally, emotionally and physically!! Of course she claims this isn’t the case. But she knows I am not stupid and I see these people for what they truly are. We both know what is really going on. For some reason though she doesn’t seem capable of walking away. I only hope this doesn’t cost her or Victoria’s life in the long run.
2. Since long before the incident in May I had tried to be nice and friendly to this family. For over 4 years I have tried over and over. But they have not bothered to try and instead have been in constant competition with me since day one. Hence my claim that they are all controlling, manipulative, and abusive. I sum it up as they are loser scum! They lie, cheat, steal and abuse anyone and anything that they can.
3. In January of 2010 I starting talking to Ashley about Victoria’s birthday (which wasn’t till September) I wanted to get a jump on the planning and figure out the details. Right on cue they started trying to fuck everything up. They bitched about everything. Of course none of them planned on doing anything for her or spending any money to set up a party. But since it was on my time, effort and money they tried to control the whole thing. Now I am not sure what kind of crack they smoke but here in the real world you CANNOT tell someone else how to spend their money. I am amazed that they are cocky enough to even think they have that right. If they want things to go a certain way… get off your lazy cheap bullshitting ass… AND SPEND YOUR OWN FUCKING MONEY to make it happen. But that would mean they’d actually have to give a shit.. and they’d actually have to follow through with the things they say… and they’d have to spare some money from the crack they smoke to pay for it all. And they won’t do any of the above. They just love to cause trouble.
4. Well after the May incident I told Ashley that those people were NOT welcome in my home. And of course that means if I have a party they are NOT welcome to come and if they do they will be removed… period! I chose not to fight with her over this fact and felt should the need arise where I had to force my point, I would handle it then.
5. In June Ashley called to say that asshole’s family didn’t want to come here for a party. I was completely ok with this because they were not welcome here. Ashley didn’t know what to do. So I suggested separate parties or even having it at the park. Which is neutral ground for everyone.
6. Fast forward to a week ago. Ashley messaged me to say they we not going to have a party at all. While I understood her reasons I was irritated. And I was disgusted by asshole and his family. So I said, let’s at least have you and the baby come over for dinner. Then I called a couple other close family members and we set things up. It was nothing fancy, just a small get together, but it would be enjoyed by all of us.

Then yesterday evening Ashley messaged me again. Seems now that I have made it clear that I wouldn’t be ignoring my granddaughter’s birthday (because I am not a selfish lowlife loser like asshole and his family.)… and therefore I am making them all look like the “selfish lowlife losers” that they really are… they now wanted to have a party too! And surprise surprise they wanted to have it on the same day as the day I had now set it up for. SERIOUSLY!?!! Excuse my french but… What Fucking Assholes! Anything to cause trouble. Anything to manipulate Ashley. Since they weren’t in control and it didn’t rotate around them… they had to start shit.

The bottom line ended up to be this. The asshole was demanding to either have a party on the day I had choose or I was to let him come to the dinner I was planning. Well fuck that. The wife-beater can go fuck himself. He isn’t welcome in my home. And other family members feel the same way. Why would we want such a toxic person around?! What good has he brought to our lives? To Ashley’s life? To Victoria’s life? The truth is Victoria would be better off if he was dead or didn’t exist. Harsh… yes… the truth… yes!

He whined about how he was the “dad” and therefore should be included. Funny…. he didn’t seem to care that he was her “dad” when he had to set up a party on his own with his own money…he was CHOOSING to blow off his kid’s birthday and do nothing to celebrate it. He had NO plans to buy her anything. not even a small cake. Yeah… real nice father. He’s not a father. He is a sperm donor and that is all!!! Any fuck-tard can have a kid… that doesn’t make them a father. It takes a REAL man to be a father.  And the asshole isn’t a real man… and I don’t think he ever will be.

He has done next to NOTHING to help care for or pay for his child since she was born. Did he help feed her? Clothe her? get her diapers? NO no and no. Maybe… a big maybe… he may have bought 3 or 4 packages of diapers since she was born and maybe a few packages of wipes. And he bitched about it to her each time. I heard him say that he shouldn’t have to spend his money on her diapers…. that Ashley could and should go get them. Once i even heard him tell Ashley that she owed him the money back for them too.  And he might have given Ashley a whooping total… of MAYBE… 200-400 bucks… since Tori was conceived. Wooo wooo!  We should all kiss his ass for a couple hundred bucks?! I don’t think so. Was he willing to watch her? Nope, he fought Ashley EVERY time she needed him to watch his own child. he called it babysitting. Umm, it’s not babysitting if it is your own child!! He was always busy hanging out with friends or some other stupid shit. He always had some excuse for why he couldn’t or didn’t want to. She had to fight with him or beg and even that only bought her a couple dozen times of him helping watch the baby. And Tori is 2 years old. That’s 24 months that she has been alive. 730 days that she’s needed someone to care for her. How many of those days was he really there and helping with his kid… what 50?? 75?? maybe as many as 150. (But I doubt it.) Yeah that’s pathetic!

And his parents haven’t bothered to give a shit either. They rarely watched her too… not even for fun. They didn’t really ask about her or for her. Unless it was to try and screw me out of time with her or they knew it would piss Ashley off. They couldn’t be bothered to even buy her a birthday gift for her 1st Birthday! I mean come on.. you don’t have 5 bucks to buy her a book, a small toy, a shirt… something?? And last year at Christmas they went out at 9pm on Christmas eve and bought her a $20 gift… ONLY because Ashley got into a fight with the asshole about it. They had NO intention of getting her anything. But they each got hundreds of dollars worth of gifts for each other. All Victoria is to them is something to brag about. They don’t actually give a shit about her. They only do minor tiny things for her and ONLY when it is going to make them look good or inconvenience Ashley or me. Otherwise she doesn’t exist to them and they put forth zero effort.

I am hoping that Ashley doesn’t continue to allow this bullshit. Even if she stays with the asshole (and hopefully she won’t) she can still grown a pair and not allow them to treat her or Tori like this. Because if she doesn’t she will wake up one day and realize that she allowed these people to treat her child (and herself) like garbage. And she will finally see them for what they are and see all of the damage they have caused in and to Victoria. And then… She will hate herself for it because she allowed it to happen.

Ugh! I can’t stand those people. They are toxic poison! I wish Ashley could see that.

OMG!!!!!!

Ashley just messaged me with bad news. The small family dinner I had planned for Tori’s birthday is a no go. The asshole is apparently throwing a baby fit because he didn’t have control and he wasn’t allowed to make the decisions… oh and of course because he wasn’t included.

I told Ashley that i might consider including him in things if… in 2-3 years he hasn’t hit her and he’s acting like a normal man who treats her with respect and helps with their child… then I will re-evaluate. But until then he is not welcome in our home.

I told her I am not angry at her. But that isn’t entirely true. She has a choice too and she could choose not to let them control, intimidate, or manipulate her. She could put her foot down. I don’t understand why she doesn’t. Ugh!

How Dare I…

Ya know when I was a kid I knew how to show respect to others, especially adults. And I won’t say never… but I “almost” never went into my mother’s room, her drawers, her purse or anything like that. It was disrespectful. And I certainly didn’t take her things without asking. One it was rude and disrespectful and two I knew it would piss her off, lol. I was a fast learner, lol. You know the old saying… When mama is happy,everyone is happy. When mama is unhappy, everyone is miserable.

I have raised my kids to know what respect is and the proper ways to show it. I have taught them what is unacceptable and what won’t be tolerated. And yet… Like most kids they test the waters and rebel whenever possible. But as much as that bothers me; and I suspect I am not alone and it bothers all parents. I am more disturbed by the lack of care and remorse they show to disrespecting me directly. Obviously I had to have allowed this on some level and some point in time. They learned they can push me farther then say… Their father or grandmother. They take advantage of my willingness to compromise and forgive. And that seems to lull them into thinking it is ok. Ok to talk to me with a horrible attitude. Ok to take my things without asking…. over and over again. Ok to steal from me. (Sadly they have several times) And I don’t know what more I can do about it.

I might let the attitude go at times. The nasty tones slip (not really, I look the other way, lol) past my radar at times. But mostly that is because I am so easily triggered by them, especially the teenage attitudes that all kids go through, that if I dealt with it each timel… I’d be yelling, bitching and punishing them 24/7. Or damn close to it. I guess you could say, as far as the crabby teen parts go, I pick and choose my battles. But when it comes to taking my things, I haven’t let that slip by. I have  made it perfectly clear that this is not ok. I do not ignore it and they do not get away with it. Each time there is some kind of consequence and usually it’s big. And even still… Dani and Nikki think it’s ok.  They must, or they’d stop… or at least make it a rare thing (more like a typical child). But they don’t!

At least 6 times a week they take or use something or mine without asking. No that is not a guess or just a number slapped on the page. That is a real average for how often this occurs. And each time I snap at them and punish them for it. Most of the time they give me the doe-eyed expression of total innocence and act like they had absolutely no clue that what they did was wrong. In my head I hear the bullshit like…Ohh me Ohh my.. I am so sorry, golly gee I didn’t know. And we both know… they knew exactly what they were doing. Then of course they blame each other as much as possible. They did it cuz… they other one was doing… and therefore they had no choice. I won’t say “I” have failed to teach them correctly. Because I know I have taught them that all of the above behaviors are wrong. I have done all that any parent can do to guide them in the correct direction.

So I guess what I am really pondering is… As parents, do we all go through this? The majority anyways? Or are my kids broken? Since I know many kids from my own childhood and from now that do not take and steal from their parents I’m leaning towards my kids being broken in this department. And I am wondering if it’s a break that can be repaired. For their sakes, I hope so. The outside world won’t tolerate such behavior.

I think I am coming to a crossroads with my two girls. I remember as a teen being here with my mom. There comes a time when you have to move away from -  a mother teaching your child – and shift more towards making them see you are a fellow human being, no different then others walking out in the world. If I were a coworker, stranger, boss or even a friend certain things would just be a given. If you hit someone or steal from someone, the police are called. If your hurtful or rude you risk losing that friend. and so on. Children rarely see their parents and family in this light. They feel like those rules do not apply at home. And as a mom you have to pull back from mothering and shift into a fellow human being who expects to be treated a certain way. It’s really the only way I can see to making it real for them. Mom isn’t just bitching. I am not overreacting. And it is not ok, just because I am your mother.

My girls are old enough to know better. So I think it’s time that I start stepping back and start holding them to the standard I would expect out there in the world.

Irrational, I Know

I am feeling a bit silly about it. And I know on some levels it’s a bit irrational. But I am fighting a huge urge to sit down and cry.

I dropped Andrew off for his first day back to school. His first day of first grade. He’s so excited and I am so excited for him. But as I got into the car and drove away I found myself crying. He was in all-day Kindergarten last year. And I remember crying on his first day then too. You’d think I’d be over this and used to it. But… I’m not. He’s my baby, my youngest and my last. I don’t want anymore children… I know my limitations, lol.

I remember how quickly time passed once both of my girls were in school full time. And I know that history will repeat it’s self with Andrew. I am excited and looking forward to all his new discoveries, the new adventures and all the new things he is going to learn. I want him to have this. And I want to enjoy it with him. But I am still sad for what’s already gone and what is soon to pass. I remember holding his little hand when he first went to preschool. I remember rocking him to sleep each night till he was 2 years old. I am grateful that he is a cuddlier and very loving. He wants to sit by you, hug you and kiss you all of the time. He’s not embarrassed to have his mom around, lol. Although I know at some point that could change.

There are special moments that will stay in my memories and heart forever. And I know I will be adding more everyday. So I guess for now I am going to accept that this is natural, most mom’s go through it, and just have a good cry.

Can. Barely. Move.

My mom, the girls and I…. are….. AWESOME SUPER WOMEN!!

Today, in the time span of about 4 and half ( of actual) working hours, we accomplished several tasks. One in particular would have taken my mom and me alone at least 3 days to complete. But working together we had it down in no time. Of course we are all exhausted. And my mom and I feel that death would be less painful, lol. But it’s done! the landscaping that is, lol. And we are one step closer to having this house up for sale. And that is reason to be happy!