I am going to start this in bullets. So I can’t get it all down. Warning…vulgarity and attitude below.
- In May of this year, Caleb a.k.a the loser asshole hit Ashley. For the 4th time by my count, although Ashley denies this number. Foolishly, in my opinion, she took him back and forgave him in less than 24 hours. Needless to say I was appalled and outraged. I still do not understand why she would stay with someone who… gets physical whenever the mood strikes him, belittles her, mistreats her child, cusses at her WAY to often, controls and manipulates her into doing what he wants, and puts her down daily. In short; he abuses her… verbally, emotionally and physically!! Of course she claims this isn’t the case. But she knows I am not stupid and I see these people for what they truly are. We both know what is really going on. For some reason though she doesn’t seem capable of walking away. I only hope this doesn’t cost her or Victoria’s life in the long run.
- Since long before the incident in May I had tried to be nice and friendly to this family. For over 4 years I have tried over and over. But they have not bothered to try and instead have been in constant competition with me since day one. Hence my claim that they are all controlling, manipulative, and abusive. I sum it up as they are loser scum! They lie, cheat, steal and abuse anyone and anything that they can.
- In January of 2010 I starting talking to Ashley about Victoria’s birthday (which wasn’t till September) I wanted to get a jump on the planning and figure out the details. Right on cue they started trying to fuck everything up. They bitched about everything. Of course none of them planned on doing anything for her or spending any money to set up a party. But since it was on my time, effort and money they tried to control the whole thing. Now I am not sure what kind of crack they smoke but here in the real world you CANNOT tell someone else how to spend their money. I am amazed that they are cocky enough to even think they have that right. If they want things to go a certain way… get off your lazy cheap bullshitting ass… AND SPEND YOUR OWN FUCKING MONEY to make it happen. But that would mean they’d actually have to give a shit.. and they’d actually have to follow through with the things they say… and they’d have to spare some money from the crack they smoke to pay for it all. And they won’t do any of the above. They just love to cause trouble.
- Well after the May incident I told Ashley that those people were NOT welcome in my home. And of course that means if I have a party they are NOT welcome to come and if they do they will be removed… period! I chose not to fight with her over this fact and felt should the need arise where I had to force my point, I would handle it then.
- In June Ashley called to say that asshole’s family didn’t want to come here for a party. I was completely ok with this because they were not welcome here. Ashley didn’t know what to do. So I suggested separate parties or even having it at the park. Which is neutral ground for everyone.
- Fast forward to a week ago. Ashley messaged me to say they we not going to have a party at all. While I understood her reasons I was irritated. And I was disgusted by asshole and his family. So I said, let’s at least have you and the baby come over for dinner. Then I called a couple other close family members and we set things up. It was nothing fancy, just a small get together, but it would be enjoyed by all of us.
Then yesterday evening Ashley messaged me again. Seems now that I have made it clear that I wouldn’t be ignoring my granddaughter’s birthday (because I am not a selfish lowlife loser like asshole and his family.)… and therefore I am making them all look like the “selfish lowlife losers” that they really are… they now wanted to have a party too! And surprise surprise they wanted to have it on the same day as the day I had now set it up for. SERIOUSLY!?!! Excuse my french but… What Fucking Assholes! Anything to cause trouble. Anything to manipulate Ashley. Since they weren’t in control and it didn’t rotate around them… they had to start shit.
The bottom line ended up to be this. The asshole was demanding to either have a party on the day I had choose or I was to let him come to the dinner I was planning. Well fuck that. The wife-beater can go fuck himself. He isn’t welcome in my home. And other family members feel the same way. Why would we want such a toxic person around?! What good has he brought to our lives? To Ashley’s life? To Victoria’s life? The truth is Victoria would be better off if he was dead or didn’t exist. Harsh… yes… the truth… yes!
He whined about how he was the “dad” and therefore should be included. Funny…. he didn’t seem to care that he was her “dad” when he had to set up a party on his own with his own money…he was CHOOSING to blow off his kid’s birthday and do nothing to celebrate it. He had NO plans to buy her anything. not even a small cake. Yeah… real nice father. He’s not a father. He is a sperm donor and that is all!!! Any fuck-tard can have a kid… that doesn’t make them a father. It takes a REAL man to be a father. And the asshole isn’t a real man… and I don’t think he ever will be.
He has done next to NOTHING to help care for or pay for his child since she was born. Did he help feed her? Clothe her? get her diapers? NO no and no. Maybe… a big maybe… he may have bought 3 or 4 packages of diapers since she was born and maybe a few packages of wipes. And he bitched about it to her each time. I heard him say that he shouldn’t have to spend his money on her diapers…. that Ashley could and should go get them. Once i even heard him tell Ashley that she owed him the money back for them too. And he might have given Ashley a whooping total… of MAYBE… 200-400 bucks… since Tori was conceived. Wooo wooo! We should all kiss his ass for a couple hundred bucks?! I don’t think so. Was he willing to watch her? Nope, he fought Ashley EVERY time she needed him to watch his own child. he called it babysitting. Umm, it’s not babysitting if it is your own child!! He was always busy hanging out with friends or some other stupid shit. He always had some excuse for why he couldn’t or didn’t want to. She had to fight with him or beg and even that only bought her a couple dozen times of him helping watch the baby. And Tori is 2 years old. That’s 24 months that she has been alive. 730 days that she’s needed someone to care for her. How many of those days was he really there and helping with his kid… what 50?? 75?? maybe as many as 150. (But I doubt it.) Yeah that’s pathetic!
And his parents haven’t bothered to give a shit either. They rarely watched her too… not even for fun. They didn’t really ask about her or for her. Unless it was to try and screw me out of time with her or they knew it would piss Ashley off. They couldn’t be bothered to even buy her a birthday gift for her 1st Birthday! I mean come on.. you don’t have 5 bucks to buy her a book, a small toy, a shirt… something?? And last year at Christmas they went out at 9pm on Christmas eve and bought her a $20 gift… ONLY because Ashley got into a fight with the asshole about it. They had NO intention of getting her anything. But they each got hundreds of dollars worth of gifts for each other. All Victoria is to them is something to brag about. They don’t actually give a shit about her. They only do minor tiny things for her and ONLY when it is going to make them look good or inconvenience Ashley or me. Otherwise she doesn’t exist to them and they put forth zero effort.
I am hoping that Ashley doesn’t continue to allow this bullshit. Even if she stays with the asshole (and hopefully she won’t) she can still grown a pair and not allow them to treat her or Tori like this. Because if she doesn’t she will wake up one day and realize that she allowed these people to treat her child (and herself) like garbage. And she will finally see them for what they are and see all of the damage they have caused in and to Victoria. And then… She will hate herself for it because she allowed it to happen.
Ugh! I can’t stand those people. They are toxic poison! I wish Ashley could see that.
Ashley just messaged me with bad news. The small family dinner I had planned for Tori’s birthday is a no go. The asshole is apparently throwing a baby fit because he didn’t have control and he wasn’t allowed to make the decisions… oh and of course because he wasn’t included.
I told Ashley that i might consider including him in things if… in 2-3 years he hasn’t hit her and he’s acting like a normal man who treats her with respect and helps with their child… then I will re-evaluate. But until then he is not welcome in our home.
I told her I am not angry at her. But that isn’t entirely true. She has a choice too and she could choose not to let them control, intimidate, or manipulate her. She could put her foot down. I don’t understand why she doesn’t. Ugh!
Ya know when I was a kid I knew how to show respect to others, especially adults. And I won’t say never… but I “almost” never went into my mother’s room, her drawers, her purse or anything like that. It was disrespectful. And I certainly didn’t take her things without asking. One it was rude and disrespectful and two I knew it would piss her off, lol. I was a fast learner, lol. You know the old saying… When mama is happy,everyone is happy. When mama is unhappy, everyone is miserable.
I have raised my kids to know what respect is and the proper ways to show it. I have taught them what is unacceptable and what won’t be tolerated. And yet… Like most kids they test the waters and rebel whenever possible. But as much as that bothers me; and I suspect I am not alone and it bothers all parents. I am more disturbed by the lack of care and remorse they show to disrespecting me directly. Obviously I had to have allowed this on some level and some point in time. They learned they can push me farther then say… Their father or grandmother. They take advantage of my willingness to compromise and forgive. And that seems to lull them into thinking it is ok. Ok to talk to me with a horrible attitude. Ok to take my things without asking…. over and over again. Ok to steal from me. (Sadly they have several times) And I don’t know what more I can do about it.
I might let the attitude go at times. The nasty tones slip (not really, I look the other way, lol) past my radar at times. But mostly that is because I am so easily triggered by them, especially the teenage attitudes that all kids go through, that if I dealt with it each timel… I’d be yelling, bitching and punishing them 24/7. Or damn close to it. I guess you could say, as far as the crabby teen parts go, I pick and choose my battles. But when it comes to taking my things, I haven’t let that slip by. I have made it perfectly clear that this is not ok. I do not ignore it and they do not get away with it. Each time there is some kind of consequence and usually it’s big. And even still… Dani and Nikki think it’s ok. They must, or they’d stop… or at least make it a rare thing (more like a typical child). But they don’t!
At least 6 times a week they take or use something or mine without asking. No that is not a guess or just a number slapped on the page. That is a real average for how often this occurs. And each time I snap at them and punish them for it. Most of the time they give me the doe-eyed expression of total innocence and act like they had absolutely no clue that what they did was wrong. In my head I hear the bullshit like…Ohh me Ohh my.. I am so sorry, golly gee I didn’t know. And we both know… they knew exactly what they were doing. Then of course they blame each other as much as possible. They did it cuz… they other one was doing… and therefore they had no choice. I won’t say “I” have failed to teach them correctly. Because I know I have taught them that all of the above behaviors are wrong. I have done all that any parent can do to guide them in the correct direction.
So I guess what I am really pondering is… As parents, do we all go through this? The majority anyways? Or are my kids broken? Since I know many kids from my own childhood and from now that do not take and steal from their parents I’m leaning towards my kids being broken in this department. And I am wondering if it’s a break that can be repaired. For their sakes, I hope so. The outside world won’t tolerate such behavior.
I think I am coming to a crossroads with my two girls. I remember as a teen being here with my mom. There comes a time when you have to move away from - a mother teaching your child – and shift more towards making them see you are a fellow human being, no different then others walking out in the world. If I were a coworker, stranger, boss or even a friend certain things would just be a given. If you hit someone or steal from someone, the police are called. If your hurtful or rude you risk losing that friend. and so on. Children rarely see their parents and family in this light. They feel like those rules do not apply at home. And as a mom you have to pull back from mothering and shift into a fellow human being who expects to be treated a certain way. It’s really the only way I can see to making it real for them. Mom isn’t just bitching. I am not overreacting. And it is not ok, just because I am your mother.
My girls are old enough to know better. So I think it’s time that I start stepping back and start holding them to the standard I would expect out there in the world.
I am feeling a bit silly about it. And I know on some levels it’s a bit irrational. But I am fighting a huge urge to sit down and cry.
I dropped Andrew off for his first day back to school. His first day of first grade. He’s so excited and I am so excited for him. But as I got into the car and drove away I found myself crying. He was in all-day Kindergarten last year. And I remember crying on his first day then too. You’d think I’d be over this and used to it. But… I’m not. He’s my baby, my youngest and my last. I don’t want anymore children… I know my limitations, lol.
I remember how quickly time passed once both of my girls were in school full time. And I know that history will repeat it’s self with Andrew. I am excited and looking forward to all his new discoveries, the new adventures and all the new things he is going to learn. I want him to have this. And I want to enjoy it with him. But I am still sad for what’s already gone and what is soon to pass. I remember holding his little hand when he first went to preschool. I remember rocking him to sleep each night till he was 2 years old. I am grateful that he is a cuddlier and very loving. He wants to sit by you, hug you and kiss you all of the time. He’s not embarrassed to have his mom around, lol. Although I know at some point that could change.
There are special moments that will stay in my memories and heart forever. And I know I will be adding more everyday. So I guess for now I am going to accept that this is natural, most mom’s go through it, and just have a good cry.
My heart aches and I find myself wanting to break down and cry. Not for myself or my family but for 2 small children (ages 18 months and 2 years old.) who were murdered by their own mother. I know this happens a lot these days, but this story hit me hard. Probably because, not only were these innocent children brutally murdered, but there are signs of struggle! Which means those babies knew who was hurting them in the moments before they died. I can’t even think about the terror and confusion that they must have been feeling without crying and morning those sweet children that I don’t even know. The mother has shown little to no remorse for what she did. She was actually quoted saying, ‘If I don’t have these toddlers, I can be free.’” I don’t know anything more disgusting that this. There were other options!
I am outraged! Children are blessings. Sure they stress you out and make you mad at times. Sure they screw up and make mistakes. And yeah we have to discipline them at times too. But they are precious blessings that also light up this world. I can’t imagine a life without my children. Each day they make me smile and laugh. I wake each morning grateful to have them in my life. They bring so much joy and so many adventures into my life. I could never harm them.
I am usually not a hateful person… but I hope she suffers for what she has done! Part of me wants to see her get the death penalty and part of me hopes she gets life without parole and is placed into the general population. I say general population so that the other prisoners, most of which feel that crimes upon children are inexcusable, can torture her and give her a small incite to how she must have made those babies feel.
I wish there was a way to rid this world of people like this woman. Dump them all out on an island somewhere and let them live out what is left of their life there.
My mom, the girls and I…. are….. AWESOME SUPER WOMEN!!
Today, in the time span of about 4 and half ( of actual) working hours, we accomplished several tasks. One in particular would have taken my mom and me alone at least 3 days to complete. But working together we had it down in no time. Of course we are all exhausted. And my mom and I feel that death would be less painful, lol. But it’s done! the landscaping that is, lol. And we are one step closer to having this house up for sale. And that is reason to be happy!
A few of my favorite shots from this weekend. I went out to the state park near me and let my camera fly…
Aaaa Waaaaaaah! Boo Hoo. Sooooooooooooob! My poor babies are all sad and feeling picked on. I am big, mean and evil. GOOD! Then I am doing my job.
Besides it’s their own fault. The push and push. They take advantage of my willingness to cut them slack. They take advantage of my disability. And then they wonder why I lose it with them and get so angry. I mean come on… I know they aren’t that stupid. You can’t give nothing and expect tons in return. They have responsibilities, and they choose to blow them off…. but I am still expected to give whatever they want? not happening.
Sorry brats it’s not happening!!
My husband doesn’t ask a whole bunch from me. He loves me completely, all of me. He does his best to be supportive of my disability. Which is difficult for him at times. Like most people out there, since it’s not something they can see physically, it takes acknowledgment that it exists to be supportive. And sometimes it’s easy to think I do some of this shit on purpose. Not that he doesn’t believe I was saddled with a boatload of issues from the DNA Gods. He can see it daily in my actions and behavior. Ok, I got off track a bit… He’s very tolerant for the lack of what I do too, lol. If I was supposed to go shopping and don’t… he’s cool with it. If the house is messy or dinner consists of sandwiches… he’s cool with it. So when he asks me to do something specific I do my best to remember to do it. Usually I am successful… about 80% of the time anyway.
Last night he asked me to move his work clothes into the dryer before I came to bed. I said sure no problem and he made a half joking/half serious crack that he’d be finding them in the washer in the morning. And I was mildly offended. I didn’t get to bed till Midnight. I was messing around with my photography and had to force myself away from the PC.
So I woke up this morning and head towards the bathroom and it hit me like a slap in the head. The clothes!! I forgot to move them into the dryer, just as he “joked”. Right now I feel like such a sucky wife. I know this one act doesn’t make this a fact, but I am so disgusted with myself. Like I said he doesn’t ask me to do specific things very often. And in my defense I do make sure he has the things that he enjoys here at home. We have a good system, lol. But this was important. And because I am a screw up he had to wake up, find it not done, put them in the dryer himself, and wait till one was dry enough to wear to work this morning. My husband works 12 hours a day. He doesn’t take off, he doesn’t call in sick. He is a good man and a good provider. He makes sure we have what we need.While I on the other hand sit home each day… not working…. because of my disability. Which puts more of a financial strain on us and of course more pressure on him.
::: sigh :::
The least I can do is remember the things he asks of me. I feel like the worst wife ever. I couldn’t even put some clothes in the dryer.
I am so sorry Babe…
So I have always loved photography. It’s been a pleasure for me for as long as I can remember. Several years back I finally got my first digital camera. And that’s when two things happened.. 1) I saved my family A LOT of money, since I was no longer buying 35 mm film by the box. And 2) I increased my picture taking 20 times over. As time went on I got a new digital camera, a Canon digital Rebel XTi, for my anniversary. (My husband is very good to me) I wanted this camera way back when there was no such things as digital, lol. I would have been very happy with the old 35mm version. Of course this would put us back in the poor house, since I’d be once again spending all of our money on film and film processing. But needless to say I was OVERJOYED! I have increased the amount of photos I take again since getting this camera in April of 2008.
Between then and now I have dabbled a bit here and there with trying to get more “professional” looking shots. Especially when doing portraits of my own children. And I have learned a lot and improved quite a bit too. But recently I have really started to experiment and explore my abilities. And I have reach a new height of what I am able to produce. This gives me more confidence and a renewed fire for this life long passion of mine. I have decided that I am going to start sharing my photos here as well.
These are some of my recent shots that I am especially proud of….
